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Pride-- You Sneaky Devil

I am a very prideful person, and that is a bad thing.  In the season of life I am going through right now the Lord has been revealing to me the many ways pridefullness sneaks in to my thoughts and motivations.  It's been uncomfortable to say the least, because pride is actually super gross.

It's not one of those faults we, deep down, like to admit to.  I always think it's fairly predictable when I'm with a group of people who are in confession mode, but it's not a very honest space for whatever reason, and the sins people "confess" in those situations are typically busyness, stubbornness (which of course is pride, but totally glorified in the Midwestern Scandinavian culture), being a workaholic (weird how people generally don't throw out "I'm super lazy" in group confession times), and my favorite "being a perfectionist."  Every once in a while someone will throw out that they are OCD instead of saying perfectionist-but OCD is like having to lick the door handle three times before eating breakfast and stuff.  People just say OCD because they don't like the sound of "anal retentive."

But do you see the trend?  Busyness, stubbornness, workaholic, and perfectionism are really all socially acceptable, dare I say highly praised, attributes.

Pride?  That's not a fun one to say out loud.  And many of the sub-characteristics of pride that the Holy Spirit has been highlighting in my life; arrogance, defensiveness, neglecting the needs of others, harshness, or superficiality, are not very popular either.  Jeremiah writes a nice summary of pride's relatives when prophesying against Moab in chapter 48:29  "We have heard of Moab's pride- how great is her arrogance!  Of her insolence, her pride, her conceit, and the haughtiness of her heart.

Dang, Moab--you ugly.

The Hebrew root for pride, ge'ah, is typically translated into either pride or arrogance, but the synonym word, gabahh, that is also used, literally means "to be high."  And I have a feeling the writers weren't referencing the high you get from your uncle's ditch weed back home.  No, this is a literal lifting up of oneself, above others, and above God.

One of the cool visuals God gives us over and over in scripture is the high and the low.  In Genesis 3:14, when satan, as a snake, deceived Adam and Eve in the garden, God punished him by bringing him low,  "Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life."  

Job 40, verse 11 says, "Unleash the fury of your wrath; look on every proud man and bring him low." And in Psalm 138 King David writes, "Though the Lord is on high, He attends to the lowly; but the proud He knows from afar."

God is the only one who can truly lift up or bring low-and He makes it clear that His reasons for doing either are often in direct conflict with the way we operate from a worldly perspective.  Lifting myself up to the podium for attention or power?  That brings me further away from the Lord.  Sitting on the floor and washing my neighbor's feet?  Closer to the throne room.    I think it is amazing that even while the religious leaders meant for Christ to be humiliated at the crucifixion, he was symbolically raised up on a tree.

After spending some time in the word, in prayer, and reading other materials I have come to see some surprising areas of my life I have been mounting a campaign to lift myself up in front of others:

1-People Pleasing
This is actually rooted in pride because pride is hungry for respect, attention, a pat on the back.  The inability to say "no" to people when I know I am supposed to is straight up disobedience.  And it is disobedience tied to seeking glory and praise from humans instead of God.

2-Defensiveness
Tough one to admit but I am very defensive.  It doesn't always look like defensiveness because I tread most situations pretty carefully given my profession, but an inability to be still and silent in the face of a rebuke or challenge is pride.  When a person doesn't see a situation or my actions the way I want them to I typically work very hard to change their mind.  Sometimes it is necessary to set the record straight, but very often, for me in my life right now, it is pride.

3-Fault Finding
Unfortunately for those close to me, I tend to be much more demanding and impatient with the people I spend the most time with; my husband and my kids.  I am way too quick to point out that something didn't get done, that I do everything around here, and believe lies in my mind about how much they all lack.  How poisonous is that!  These are the people I love the most!  It is gross pride that sneaks in and assures me that I get all my stuff done, and I have all my bases covered (yeah right!) while everyone else is slacking.  Pride and lies--ish.

I asked God to reveal this stuff to me and then when I do it's like the spiritual equivalent to opening all of the forgotten Tupperware containers in the back of the fridge.  Nasty.  Open all the windows, fumigate the place!  It is painful even though I KNOW life gets better the more disgusting trash I take out of my living space.

Pray with me?
"Search me oh God and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  See if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23-24





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